The Post Office Girl by Stefan Zweig – Notes

 

In the first paragraph the post office is described like this: lose forms (forms, the epitomy of postal life) are mentioned among other objects in the post office. Christine asks herself, why she is not happy. She remembers all the postcards coming in from different locations in the world. All these times she was so happy contemplating going away to these places herself. She listens to her body like a pregnant woman. She tries hard to remember what it is like to be happy. When was the last time I was happy? Instead she remembers the day when suddenly all went black. It was during her childhood in the suburbs of Vienna, when she heard about the war. Her father said: Now it’s starting. The damned Serbs are going to be goulash. She remembers her brother Otto in uniform who has to go to war. Saying something about duty and country. A year later a letter arrives from Isonzo from his commander, telling them that he is dead.

Another year later the family had no money at all. “Too expensive!”, is the phrase that describes everything. A year late her father died when she was 17, two days after New Year’s Eve. They cannot afford a living until her uncle, the privy counsellor, finds a job for her mother as a caretaker in the Korneuburg hospital. Hardship seems to have an end when the privy counsellor personally asks his poker buddy in the postal administration. He offers a temporary postal worker position in Kleinreifling. When she moves to Kleinreifling she has to bring her mother with her. At the age of 36 she has a permanent position as a postal official. But her youth has gone. The war has taken it away.

A letter arrives in which Christine’s aunt Claire invites her sister (Christl’s mother) to a fine resort in Switzerland.

Her mother feels so sad that Christl’s entire childhood was ruined by the war and by … So she wants her to accept the invitation to Switzerland as an opportunity to get out of this one-horse hole, this stiffling town. Christine is not happy. She is standing there in a daze pale and awkward way. Frau Hoflehner finds this exasperating. She says: What an opportunity, girl. Why aren’t you happy? Christine runs back to the post office. Now she has time to think over the whole thing. She is being asked to go away, to go away from her mother for the first time ever. And she is going to visit strangers. Her mother’s sister, her aunt Clara.

 

Eventually Christine has made up her mind and writes to the Vienna postal administration that she needs some time off to which she is legally entitled for family reasons. She also requests s substitute to be sent a week later. In addition to that she writes to her sister that she would like to have a word with her about their mother.

 

She is about to leave the country when she meets an old friend of the family. It is Hans Fuchsthaler the school teacher from the other village. The Hoflehners are the only friends he has in this part of the world. He carries the straw suitcase for Christine to the station. This man is kind of strange. He plays the violin enthusiastically. His two-room flat is full of books. He loves Adalbert Stifter. He has established a growing feeling for Christine. Her mother knows that. Christine is stoic. On the day of departure Christine’s mother is in a bad condition. She feels guilty. “I shouldn’t go”. The shy little blond man Franz promises to look in on her mother regularly. He says she shouldn’t wrry and offers to send news every day. Christine realises that he wants to say something but doesn’t dare to. He shifts from one leg to the other. Suddnly he takes an object out of his breast pocket. It is a map of her route from Linz to her destination unfolded accordion style. Microscopically drawn and shaded. Altitudes and other info is given too. When Christine blushes from surprise, he produces another map, from the Engadine, also neatly drawn and folded. Copied from the large scale Swiss map. In red ink there is the hotel indicated where she will be staying. She is truly moved and she knows that he must have spent days in libraries in Linz or Vienna to copy the maps. At the sight of the enormous mountains she realizes what she must have been missing. This is her first encounter with travels. She is so curious now and presses her cheek to the window frame. She no linger thinks what she has left behind, her mother, the office, the village. All are forgotten. Even the little map in her pocket from which she could have learned the peaks and streams. And forgotten is her own self of the day before. She is so absorbed that she loses track of time. At her final destination she is the only one with no one to meet her. She thinks they have forgotten her. He inally addresses the porter of the Palace Hotel for the van Boolen family. They have sent him to pick her up. She feels embarrassed when the porter looks at her tiny straw suitcase. So she lies and says that the rest of her luggage will arrive later. She sits in the car with rich and elegant people and this opulence drives waves of shame into her cheeks. When she arrives at the hotel the porters and even the manager line up and everybody welcomes the rich people but Christine is the last one to get out. She detests her suitcase and she doesn’t want the others to detect her poverty. No one pays attention to her. The servants go past her with complete indifference, they ignore her totally. It takes a lot of effort to go into the hotel and address the desk clerk who is dressed like the captain of an ocean liner. Queues of people are waiting. He is the lord of chaos. He seems absolutely unapproachable. Suddenly she realises two people in the lobby looking at her ironically, whispering and laughing. At this point an artificially youthful blonde lady comes up and says: It is you, Christine? Anthony excused himself because the bell had just rung for lunch. Now everything is different. The servants dance to her commands. When the postal official from Kleinreifling is led to her room she can’t believe it is hers. Exquisite, extravagant, big. Her first thought is what an incredible amount of money this might cost. She feels out of place. The mirror seems to bark: Don’t pollute the place!” What an embarrassment for my aunt. The bell from downstairs are pressing her on. Her aunt and uncle are waiting in the lounge. She doesn’t know what to wear. She knows that her clothes will expose her entire lower-middleclass life. Her clothes and her shoes will reveal her shabbiness to everyone. She knows that her uncle gets impatient easily, so she hurries on and has the feeling that she is walking over a cliff.

Now Zweig changes the point of view and we learn how the aunt sees the girl. How gracelessly she dashes down the stairs, how embarrassed she is. She asks her, are you ill, you are so pale. In the cover of her aunt who seems to be shielding her she approaches the table where phlegmatic fat uncle Anthony is waiting. In fact he seems to be happy when he sees the self-conscious, pale and weak girl. He was expecting someone who might ask questions permanently. Inquisitive. Christine feels strange when she sees all the hors d’oeuvre that she doesn’t know and the objects that might be replacements for knife, fork and spoon and dozens of utensils which she is supposed to use. She glances at her aunt’s hands in order to copy what they do. It’s hard for her to answer the questions of her uncle who speaks German with a Dutch accent. (he is Dutch). It comes as a rescue when everyone agrees that she must be tired and must need a nap in her room. Again the point of view shifts to the aunt who talks to her husband about the girl’s shabby clothes. They agree that the aunt should help out with her wardrobe. On seeing the girl Mrs van Boolen feels ashamed, because she feels that she should helped the girl and the family a long time ago. She thinks of giving so much money to charities of all sorts and not caring for her own family. When the girl wakes up her first thought is I am late for work. This is the bad feeling of all office workers. The day always begins with the fear of having neglected some responsibility. When the aunt offers her clothes Christine is reconfirmed that aunt and uncle are ashamed of her shabby clothes. First she is embarrassed on seeing these wonderful clothes of her aunt’s. But her aunt knows from her experience as a model long ago that ladies in general cannot resist the sensual excitement which grips women they see luxury. The aunt says: Our beautician will make you more or less presentable. Christine at one point surrenders and lets her aunt do as she pleases. She lets herself fall into the care of her aunt. She remembers the same feeling when she was in bed with a fever as a girl. Everyone is taking care of her. She enjoys the wonderful irresponsibility of letting things happen to you. Her aunt hurries her up again. Lateness is the only thing that can make Anthony angry. Christine dresses up for dinner and Zweig uses the bell which reminds the visitors/guests of the hotel not to be late for dinner. He uses the gong permanently to create suspense. The gong has gone the second time so she has to come down for dinner quickly. She looks at herself in the mirror and is absolutely surprised. Not even in a dream has she ever imagined her as so lovely, so young, so smart. This is an interesting approach Stefan Z. makes. He doesn’t describe her through others but relies on her own impression when she sees herself in the mirror. Nicely done! Now the woman in the mirror begins to smile to herself. First slightly, then more and more broadly. And she seems to acknowledge: Yes, I am beautiful! It is a strange thing that she admires her own body. She becomes proud and pleased when she looks at herself. She is so happy that she feels like throwing her arms around this new person that is herself. And all this is still part of the mirror scene that I like so much. I’ll try it with Rudolf. She strikes poses in front of the mirror to get different views of her new self. It’s the beginning of the delirium of transformation. This is the end of the paragraph before she runs down at the third ring of the bell. The sound of the gong appears the third time. Her aunt is overwhelmed at her sight. She teaches her to hold her head up. She tells her to walk like Americans do. Free and easy. Chest out like a ship in the wind. What really strikes me when I read this is how audacious her aunt tells her that she clinches like a cat in the rain, that she does this and that. She addresses her openly about her self-consciousness. As the aunt thinks that something is missing she gives her pearls for the neck. Her neck needs something, she says. Now she is floating, no longer walking. When the first man passes by Christine senses a special attention, a masculine look of admiration. Never in her life has a real gentleman acknowledged her presence with such a respectful appreciation. And in fact her aunt tells her that it is general Alkins, a famous man who is among the cream of the cream. Even Anthony is surprised and gives her reinforcement. You look damned good, sorry, you look splendid, he says. She is tempted by the constant kindness of her uncle who is enjoying her obvious pleasure. She allows him to refill her glass of wine repeatedly and unconsciously she becomes talkative. Her uncle feels young again and asks her to dance with her. She accepts gladly. Her aunt watches with amusement, others with curiosity. Christine is thankful for the protection the two give her in this rich intoxicating atmosphere. She sits happily between them. Someone asks her aunt’s permission to dance with her. The man introduces himself as an engineer from Gladbach. He escorts her back to the table politely. Suddenly general Elkins comes to the table asking her aunt to introduce him to this charming girl. He is a famous man whose picture has been in all the papers. When he asks her for a dance Christine realises that just the courage and the sense of yourself is important to discover hidden resources. She walks proudly on his arm. The German engineer crosses the room for the next dance and through him she meets other important people. When Christine wakes up the next morning she realises that there is no alarm clock, no work, no fear of being late. No responsibility. No worries, no work. Everything is done for her. She doesn’t want to waste time. She wants to enjoy every bit of her new life. She goes down and sees only the hotel workers who are surprised at the early guest. She realizes that among the rich people there is lot of unseen work, ill paid drudgery. But she decides not to think about them. It is a dramatic change in her normal way of thinking. Let’s not think about that, she says. I don’t want to be aware of anyone bur me, me, me. At the tennis court the German engineer is waiting for his trainer who has obviously overslept. He sees Christine who recognises her dance partner.

At the breakfast table her aunt looks at her in admiration. She realises the transformation in the girl. And she talks about it with her husband. General Elkins arrives and reminds her of the planned drive in his Rolls Royce with the clean shaven gentleman chauffeur. They are off in the car minutes later. The 68 year old man enjoys showing her the landscape and the Maloja pass. He talks to her about Italy which is not far away and she wants to see that country so badly. The general has travelled the world three times. After the ride Christine gives an enthusiastic account of how friendly and gracious general Etkins was. Her aunt finds it good that she brightens this man up who has gone through hard times. His wife died young and his own son was shot down by the Germans at Soissons. At the same day he himself was wounded. He lives in a castle in Nottingham. His extended travels are nothing more than running away from his memories. She pities this poor old man who is hiding his secret sadness. He sits alone with military erectness. The blue-eyed German engineer introduces the girl to riche and noble people from different countries as Frl. von Boolen, which is misinterpreted by others as the wealthiest German family, the Krupp Bohlens. She becomes the centre of communication. First she is a bit shy but then she accepts being called Fräulein von Boolen and takes part without inhibition. She no longer feels out of place among the rich people. Her aunt also likes it when Christine is addressed as Frl. von Boolen.

It is clear that aunt Claire demands a payback from her. She sends her in the Lion’s Den, to get Anthony lose from his game. He should just tell him to stop gambling. Anthony introduces her to the other players as her niece who has been sent by her wife to break it up. When he doesn’t know whether to take a card or not he asks Christine for advice. He wins and shares the win with Christine. In her room she calculates that the money is worth what she normally earns in four months.

For a few days Christine wore her new name like a mask at the costume ball, but soon it becomes the most natural thing in the world for her. She even calls herself Christiane von Boolen which sounds better. This girl has become so self-confident. In every step. She has been revitalised. Her youthful energy is a force feed for the people around her. Everyone likes her. Uninhibited enthusiasm with pleasure. She knows everyone now when she comes into the dining room. And she has a friendly word for every maid and waiter. In contrast to the beginning of the story the desk clerk treats her with special friendliness. General Elkins is dressing more brightly, more youthfully; he is choosing more colourful ties. With all sorts of pretext he comes to her aunt’s table every day and sends flowers to Christine’s room. He brings her German books bought especially for her. He shows her pictures of his castle in England. At some point she wonders what he wants from her. Be what it seems. There is always one question she can’t answer: Who am I really? And what do they all see in me?

Continually she asked herself in bewilderment (astonishment): Who am I? She wondered why she was so neglected for all those years. She assumed that poverty was the culprit. It made people tired and distrustful. Suddenly all the rich people pay attention to her. All these rich, distinguished and charming strangers had accepted her as one of theirs. The crucial question came into her mind: What do they want from me? She remembered the men in Klein Reifling who never paid attention to her. They only talked with beer, they had clumsy hands, their crude jokes rapidly turned vulgar. They were animals and the only thing she had for them was disgust. With the engineer she had the feeling of danger. This atmosphere made her feel dizzy. Christine was about to discover herself. After a few weeks Antony complained about her constantly being late. It’s just bad manners. Claire: This is the post war generation. They just want to have fun. Antony wants to stop her from bringing the bunch of kids to the table every day: The German, the Jewish civil servant candidate, the girl from Mannheim. He can’t even read his paper. He insisted on peace and quiet. Even Claire knew that in the last few days Christine had simply gone too far. She had kept her uncle waiting several times because she didn’t want to stop dancing. She had lost her sense of balance. It was the first time in 24 years that she forgot everyone else. She was consumed with experiencing herself. And indeed she was late again and produced numerous excuses using no comma and point. Neither her uncle nor her aunt said a word. When Claire asked the girl a little later about her mum Mary and news from home, Christine got totally pale. In this entire week she had neglected everything. It came like a blow to her heart. Desperately she went to the desk clerk for mail to Hoflehner. She came back with three unclaimed letters and two postcards. Fuchshofer had sent news every day. She remembered that she hadn’t even taken out his drawn map from her suitcase. In fact she had forgotten everything about her home: her mother, her sister and her friend. She was bewildered and sent a telegram to the post office (to her substitute). Although it is already late she hurries down to get some letter paper. She is almist done with her second letter when she feels a hand on her shoulder. It is a tall young man, the engineer. The man organises everything for an undetected escape with her. He picks her up secretly in his car and promises to be home by midnight. She is proud that he wants her, just her, and she knows that he wants more that night. On the way home she falls into his arms in the car. But then she runs to her room and locks the door. God knows what would have happened, she thought.

Now the focus shifts to the girl from Mannheim. She is jealous because before Christine’s arrival the engineer had been flirting hard with her (Karla). This is why she tried hard to find something that might bring Christine into trouble. The hairdresser told her that Christine had a hairdo like a peasant girl when she came. Also the chambermaid on Christine’s floor remembered her outfit on arrival. And the main thing was when Carla was there when Christine asked for mail under the name Hoflehner. Frau Strottmann, the widow of a great surgeon, who was sitting in a wheelchair in the lobby day and night, was the undisputed social news desk. She knew everything about Christine and the Americans who gave her the new identity. Gossip was spread in no time. The next morning Christine didn’t realize how the malicious crowd was watching her. Her aunt was the first one who recognised something odd. Only Lord Elkins came to the table of the van Boolens and wanted to talk. He asked if she was really Claire’s niece and if her name was really van Boolen? Claire told him the truth and Elkins offered to stop the gossip. He tries to prevent people from being impolite to her. This is because he has an extremely high regard of their niece. He wants to tell them that he respects her more than the entire moneyed mob of them. He asks for permission to take Christine for a ride in his car. Her aunt agrees and Christine is also happy. She is proud and suspects nothing. Claire has mixed emotions. She fears that her own past might be discovered. She had never told her husband about the small capital she had contributed. In fact she had lied that the two thousand dollars had been an inheritance from her grandfather. For that reason she had avoided encounters with her compatriots for years, especially with people from Vienna. In addition to that she stopped talking German und terminated all correspondence with her family. And now she learnt that evil minded people were looking into her niece’s background. She was so frightened that she assumed a different smile in everybody. Ironic, malicious, knowing and treacherous, even the lift boy and the chamber maid behaved differently. Excitedly she addressed her husband. Christine must have done something stupid, she said. All will come out. The entire hotel is talking about it. Anthony: Let them talk. I don’t care. She is a nice girl. Claire suggested leaving the next morning. Anthony was reluctant, but soon he gave in. He always gave in. He just wanted to avoid conflict. At the same time Lord elkins is trying to bring the girl under his protection. In a way that is clear to everyone. Then he would bring her back to the hotel. From time to time he drops hints at the gossip and the malicious people. He warns Christine of the little Mannheim girl. Christine doesn’t want to hear that. She still thinks that all these people are good. She ignores all the warnings from her friend. The old man is thinking of his son’s death and the time during which he had avoided making new acquaintances. He wants to protect her for a couple of years and invites her to his castle in England. But soon he realizes that she would come for the country and the interesting life rather than for himself. So he rethinks everything and decides not to make a fool of himself. He is sad for her and for him too. She drives to the hotel right away wordlessly. She has no suspicion about whatsoever. On arriving she is shocked at her aunt’s determination to leave. We are going, she says, you damned thing. As an excuse she adds that the thin air doesn’t do Anthony good. He had an attack. Christine soon knows that something bad must have happened. A waiter prepares dinner in the room. Claire decides to leave the following morning and she advises Christine to stay in her room in the night. Alone in her room Christine cannot answer all the questions that are bothering her mind. What did I do, Why are they driving me away? She runs out blindly, pursued by nameless fears. The German engineer runs into her. She grabs his arm and wants to know what is going on. He realises that the bombshell has dropped. He tries to get out of the situation. She starts to talk furiously: I don’t want to go. I can’t stand living at home. He is full of sympathy, strokes and kisses her. Take me with you, she cries, wherever you want. That alarms him and he tries to get rid of her. She feels hate for him and all his arrogant self-satisfied friends. She sits alone in her room and tries to push her artificial self away. She thinks of her mother. She must pack and go back to her life as the postal official Hoflehner in Klein Reifling again. She is shocked when she looks at the Klein Reifling dress she was wearing on arrival. They are dangling from the rod like a hanged man. When she takes it down it feels like touching a dead thing. She has to get back into that dead Hoflehner person. The shabby straw suitcase is quickly packed. She leaves the hotel and tells the night clerk that she is taking the seven o’ clock train. When she is boarding the train she hears someone calling her name. It is the desk clerk who is waving a telegram. It is from Fuchsthaler. When she leaves the train at Klein Reifling, Fuchsthaler is waiting. He had been waiting all night. One look and she knew it all. He was dressed in black. On the local train to Kleinreifling Fuchsthaler gives a tactful but complete account of the last days of Christine’s mother. At this moment Christine realises something in the man that had been hidden from her so far. She compares him to the elegant gentleman – but there is no way she could let him touch her. I can’t look at him any more, she thinks. I can’t bear him. At the funeral with brothers and sisters there is one common expression that is dropped permanently: too expensive. Christine can’t stand that. Finally the question comes up how her mother’s belongings will be divided among the relatives. Christine doesn’t want anything. She thinks it might be better not to know that you are so disgustingly poor. When the relatives leave she is alone and hates everything and everyone. Especially poverty, about this hard, unendurable incomprehensible life.

 

Part two:

 

Someone is complaining about Christine. The reader doesn’t know, who. One day she wants this, one day she wants that, she is not satisfied with anything. Christine has obviously changed. She speaks a new kind of German. People say the devil has got into her. Something was terribly wrong with postal official Christine Höflehner. That’s what the whole village thought. She didn’t go to church and she didn’t have a mass said to her mother. Fuchsthaler tried to get in contact with her several times but she refused. A good description of the post office followed the office had changed too. It was no longer the restful room where the hours rolled slowly and noiselessly by. The office reminded her of a film she had seen a year before. It was called life sentences. She felt like the prisoner in the film and she thought that her windows were also barred. She saw the office as a dungeon.

 

 

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When the post office is described I could easily say that school is also like a dungeon. If you look at the clock it’s always the same progression without any progress. We are imprisoned in that building. And here comes the next explanation: Tired in anticipation of everything ahead. The same questions, the same faces, the same chores, the same money. When the post came to be sorted she was struck by all the letters addressed to countess G. in her castle. She got letters and postcards from all over the world from her daughters. She also got illustrated fashion magazines. Sometimes she decided to open them, remove the wrappers. She stared at the clothes, at the pictures of actors and aristocrats and at beautiful cars. She inhaled it all like perfume. Curiosity and hate, desire and envy, all this alternated in her when she gazed at this world. When people came into the office she was very angry and if there was nobody she was angry at all objects. If a door wouldn’t close she slammed it shut with all her strength. She was horrified at how she had changed, but she couldn’t help her hatred. The people in the village and the tavern, all were unendurable for her. She remembered her passed vacation and thought it was full of wasted opportunities. Memories ware all that was left. She didn’t want to be disturbed in her room, not even by schoolmaster Hofmeister. She dreamt terrible nightmares in the night. Her sleep was filled with anxious and fantastic dreams. One day she couldn’t resist that life any longer and on a Friday she took the two hundred Franc notes that she had won with uncle Anthony. She put on her nbestew dress and bought a ticket to Vienna. I’m still alive, she thought. There is a way up somewhere; you just have to find it, to the elegant people of Vienna. She paused in front of the opera. These elegantly clad people in front of the opera are not different from the elegant girl I was, she thinks. All they have are there gowns and the invisible advantage of self-confidence. She moved on to a posh hotel, here she saw a car pulling up. Liveried bell hops rushed out for the handbags and suitcases of a somewhat oriental looking lady. Christine felt a desire to go in. No one stopped her from walking through the vestibule (foyer, atrium, lobby). Then she went to a restaurant and wanted to find some place of entertainment. A bank clerk addressed her in a friendly way. She felt just hatred for the obviously married man. She took a taxi to escape him. She visited her sister and her brother in law and went to the zoo with them and their kids. They ran into a man called Ferdinand, who turned out to have shared the same barracks during the war with her brother in law in Siberia. Christine had never seen her brother in law so lively, so animated. Although Ferdinand comes from a wealthy family, he is poor now. His mother lives in a nursing home outside Lainz and doesn’t give him money. She has it in a strongbox under the bed. The money is worthless due to inflation anyway. Christine felt some sympathy (her ally) for the angry man who was stinking up the room with his pipe, to the great adversity of her sister. And he was treating her husband like a schoolboy. In the course of the conversation it becomes clear why Ferdinand couldn’t receive subsidies. He was not an Austrian citizen. In fact he was born in the district of Merano. Franz (brother in law) promises to help him. I’ll fix that for you, Ferdinand! The adoption of Austrian citizenship. In the course of time Franz realises his wife’s annoyance and makes excuses for his friend. He claims that he was the most decent guy he met in the war. Ferdinand was the one who believed in the Kaiser, the law and everything. Ferdinand reproaches him. Weren’t you the communist, weren’t you the rebel who didn’t believe in the generals. Weren’t you the advocate for the socialist world revolution. Christine felt oddly pleased when she watched all this. She felt like laughing out loud at the embarrassment of her brother in law, the future district chairman. I feel I haven’t got what’s rightfully mine, says Ferdinand. Christine shows her agreement with a loud yes. The others are surprised.

Energy fills the place. A big quarrel starts between Nelly and Christine. Nelly accuses C of not knowing anything about the war. She says that she has good job and everything. Franz suggests changing the topic. Ferdinand decides to go and rises from his chair. Franz walks him to the door. Nelly is very angry and tells her husband off. Christine’s fists are tightly clenched. The sisters hate each other in that moment. One rebellious the other complacent. Outside the stranger is waiting for Christine. He apologises for being so rude to her brother in law and he explains that Franz was such a revolutionary when he was young. Now he was soft and dopy, content with everything. So he had to tease him. Christine understands. They were locked up in a cell like criminals, day and night. So he knew more about him than his wife ever could. Christine was taken aback. The man beside her had just said that she had been thinking the whole time. She had expressed clearly what she felt. The wish to be given one’s due, not to take anything from anyone, but to have some kind of life, not to be left out in the cold for ever while the others can enjoy themselves inside. She understood the uncertainty of the man as if they had changed bodies. He was so uncertain because of his shabby clothes. The same was true for her when she arrived in the Swiss hotel in her old clothes. And she thought she had to help him. All together this man is a vehicle for her to find out about herself. He gives an example: When he has lunch with relatives and people he used to live with he doesn’t know what to say, he doesn’t understand the things they are interested in, everything seems so strange and pointless. It’s like being on the street and looking through the glass at people dancing in a café, and you can’t hear the music and you can’t hear the beat. And you don’t have any idea why they are spinning around with such ecstatic expressions. They talked about trivialities and superficialities on the way to the station. When she had to leave she felt kind of a pride, because there was someone who would miss her and wanted to be with her. She decided to take the later train. He has to admit that he is lonely and poor. And he talks about something she feels the same about: poverty. Poverty stinks, he says. You cannot hide it. It is something to be ashamed of. Your sister sensed it right away, that poverty. The best thing to get out of this situation is to get plastered. This is why the lower classes indulge in alcohol. Christine tells him to come closer. She tells him everything and talks about her sympathy. It is good for her to speak for the first time. He seemed to understand her the way she understood him. She let out more about herself that she wanted to: Her hate for the village, her anger, her wasted years. Although others are in the same situation they apparently don’t feel as strongly as she does. This horrible purposlesseness. For them earning a few shillings more or getting a new job title is enough.

That’s close to what he says: He feels purposelessness. He talks about being not as patient as others are. I have done nothing but wait, wait, wait. I feel time is running out. He hates all happy people who work all day and go home in the evening and think that’s life. Desk jobs, paper jobs, same all day. Franzl knows all about that. This is why I teased him so terribly. On the way to the train she changes her mind and stays. She didn’t want him to be abandoned. This man was a glorious confirmation of her own existence who gave her a sense of purpose. (to be loved). They went to a dirty hotel. (writing task: describe a dirty hotel room/waiting room in a train station). He didn’t pressure her but she wanted to leave the hotel. There was a police raid. She remembered the little Mannheim girl. They ended up in the waiting room (the home of the homeless) in the train station: Why are we always the ones to suffer? Every step is a trap.

Whenever they thought of each other, they didn’t do it in a way of lovers etc but in a way of a friend in trouble.

From that on they met regularly in Vienna. It was kind of a strange relationship. They were glad to have someone who listened intently with sympathy and understanding, not more. They felt alien and useless and didn’t know where to go. There were so many places illuminated in the night, perhaps unoccupied and unused rooms, and only they had nothing. Thy started lying to each other about future plans. However they didn’t believe each other. What they both knew was that winter, the enemy of the homeless was coming. Poverty was crushing al the feelings they had. On her last visit to Vienna (no money) she found that Ferdinand was completely upset. She didn’t know the cause. She was refused the job at the Vienna postal district. She decided not to tell Ferdinand.

Ferdinand suddenly approaches the Klein Reifling post office. Christine is not happy at all. She thinks: What does he want. She refuses to have a stroll with him because she thinks about the gossip in the village. She arranges a meeting place for the noon break. She is very excited when he reveals his secret. His project was a failure (construction done, company broke, contractor disappeared) and he hasn’t received money for the last weeks. After 6 weeks he may get unemployment compensation. He doesn’t want to stand in line at the employment agency. He doesn’t want sympathy. He has just come to say goodbye. It doesn’t make sense for us to go on, he says.

Finally she tells him: Yes, we do it (suicide). Whenever you want, but together. She tells him that the transfer to Vienna wasn’t approved.

It was the first time they were sure of each other, sure about their future. They were at peace. They were sitting on a stone bench under the man of sorrows on the cross. Ferdinand produced an army revolver and said: let’s do it now. No she answered distinctly: Not here and not now. She convinced him to spend one whole night together. She wanted to go back to work and to straighten things out. In the post office everything was easy now. She could go out any time and was free. She wrote letters to her sister and to Fuchsthaler. She was nice to the customers and she put her life in order. When she counted money (11000 Shillings) Ferdinand suggested taking the money and spending 2 wonderful years with it. It is poverty we want to flee. He had no worries to take the money from the state. He felt it was his right, his disability pension. He thought it was just breaking even with the state. His cool logic chilled her. What is done rashly is done badly, he said and suggested planning everything to the last detail. I have never known what life is like, I have never seen the ocean, etc. Over the following days Christine had problems handling the till. She thought people could see her intentions written on her forehead. She is terribly scared while he is enjoying it. He comforted her saying: “As soon as you are out in different clothes in a foreign country (like on her trip to Switzerland) everything will be different. At least we take the risk for ourselves and not for a country in war. And we have nothing to lose. Their secret place where they met was his former construction site. There he presented his plan written out in detail. He warned her that the police will go after her mainly. She was the official, whereas he was only the accomplice. So she was taking a much bigger risk. She agreed and read the plan. The story ends.

Wolfgang Schinwald